InsaneJournal

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With a sharp gasp, Zero sat bolt upright, slamming his head against the lid to his capsule. Cursing he laid back down, opening the lid before raising a hand to rub over the crystal in the center of his helmet. He tried to convince himself it was all just a nightmare, but it had seemed so real, even the lingering pain in his side from the saber strike. But when he looked down there was no tear to his body suit, no damage to his armor.

He nearly leapt from the capsule and strode out of the room, ignoring the questioning looks from the other Hunters. He didn't stop until he arrived at the room where X's capsule lay. He keyed the door and stepped in. He could see other Hunters from the Seventeenth as they rested. He walked around, his breath catching in his throat when he saw the slender sapphire Hunter as he rested, face peaceful.

Zero was confused now. X had died. But here he was sleeping. He remembered carrying X back to the base, the tears barely concealed as he handed over his friends lifeless shell to Lifesaver, how he had left shortly thereafter, breaking down completely, letting the grief consume him, as it had once consumed him when Iris had died.

"Not this time, my friend," X had said softly, before Zero's core had completely shut down, "you're coming with me, though."

"Am I dead then?" Zero whispered into the silence, "is this what Hell is like?"

"Well, you could say that, Commander," a voice said suddenly behind Zero.

Zero turned quickly, a hand going to his saber.

"Easy there, Commander," the Hunter said, "I know we've all been a bit tense due to the latest signs that Sigma is on his way back . . . but you wouldn't retire a poor, tired Hunter would you?"

"Sorry," Zero mumbled out.

"Not a problem, Commander," the Hunter said, "though why are you here in the Seventeenth's recharge quarters?"

"Just checking," Zero said, his voice a bit softer than he had wanted.

"Ah, I see," the Hunter said, "well, we're all here . . . for the moment, that is. But," the Reploid shrugged.

Zero only nodded once, saying nothing as he left. He wandered the halls for a while, eventually ending up at the training grounds. He hesitated, watching. They were two members of his unit, but . . . he shook his head to clear it of the haze that started to build in it. One of them had recently retired . . . so how was it they were sparring now?

When Zero watched one of the Reploids fire a too close range shot, striking the second in the chest, the charged shot cracking the breast plate, he felt a wave of nausea overtake him. He leaned against the wall, now out of sight, trying to catch his breath. He barely noted the frantic calls from the Hunter for medical assistance nor the call out to Zero to get there. The same call he remembered rushing to. The same call that, when he had gotten there, had been too late. The other Hunter had already retired. He turned to let them know he was already there, but another wave of nausea swept over him and he doubled over in pain.

"What is it?" he heard a voice shout as metallic feet clanged past, "what happened?"

That voice . . . Zero mused around the pain, that's my voice . . .

Zero shifted, watching himself as he gathered the fallen Hunter and teleported to Lifesaver, the second Hunter following. No sooner had they left than the nausea and pain ended, leaving him cold and confused.

"What the Hell is going on?" Zero mumbled to himself as he pushed himself off of the wall and walked out of the training grounds. How could he exist in two places at once.
Why was this all so familiar? Was this his payment in Hell for failing to save X? Was he going to be doomed to all eternity to relive the painful events of the past? What next? Was he going to have to retire Iris all over again?

"I heard the call," Zero heard a somewhat sleepy voice say and he turned quickly to look at X, eyes barely open, "what happened?"

"Training accident," Zero said, trying to keep the shock from his voice and face at seeing X standing there.

"What's wrong?" X asked with a soft chuckle, "you look like you've seen a ghost."

"Maybe I have," Zero said softly, "never mind that," he said, knowing that he could trust X, no matter what, "can we find someplace private to talk?"

"Sure," X said, a bit hesitantly, "what about?"

"Something that's going to make you think I've turned into an Irregular."

X chuckled softly, seeming more awake now. "Why would I think that?"

"Just hear me out, ok?" Zero said more than asked, "and don't freak" He grabbed X's arm and teleported them both to the roof of the Hunter's base, knowing no one would hear them.

"Why here?" X asked, wrapping his arms around himself as if to keep the chill air out.

"Because what I have to say isn't going to make any sense," Zero said, hesitating, "let me finish before you call for Signas to have me dealt with as an Irregular."

"Zero, don't be silly, just say what you have to say," X said, that all too familiar soft smile on his face.

"You're dead," Zero said with no emotion in his voice, "I watched Sigma kill you. I personally brought your body back, was there for the funeral . . . was the one who placed the marker on your grave site . . . Then Sigma appeared one evening when I was out at your grave . . . and he killed me . . . and you appeared as an angel and said that I was going to be going with you . . . then I woke in my capsule."

"Nightmare," X simply said, "you've had them before."

"But this wasn't a nightmare," Zero said, "it was real. Look," he said, "I knew that Hunter was going to get hurt. I remember it. And how do  you explain the fact that I saw myself rush in to get him to Lifesaver? How do you explain the fact that I existed twice and still am talking to you?"

X sighed softly, bringing a hand up to key his radio. "Zero, do you read me?"

"I do," came the response, "with Lifesaver, one of my men was hurt severely during a training accident."
Zero almost doubled over in pain again when he heard his voice, even over his own receiver. Yet he didn't miss the questioning look from X.

"Did you need something?" Zero asked.

"No," X said, "just wondering what the commotion was about. I'll let you get back to your men . . . "

"Told ya so," Zero ground out, the pain easing.

"How?" X asked softly, "can this be?"

Zero finally was able to stand straight again. "What date is it. I need the exact time . . . "

"September, Seventh, 21XX at oh-five-hundred hours . . .  why?"

Zero paled. "Because . . . in three hours . . . you'll die . . . "

"Tell me everything that happened," X said, "maybe I can prevent what you know as history from happening?"

Zero nodded, closing his eyes, bringing up every little detail he could. "We got the call at oh-seven-sixteen of an Irregular outbreak. At oh-seven-fifty we found Sigma's lair. You didn't want to wait, wanted to end his attacks. You ran in when I told you not to go. I followed as soon as I could and I found you engaged with Sigma. He slashed at you and you couldn't avoid it. It took out most of your side. I caught you as you fell and laid you down, taking down Sigma. I returned to your side and tried to get you back to Lifesaver . . .
but you refused. You died in my arms."

To his surprise, X reached out a hand and rested it against Zero's cheek. "I'm so sorry," X said softly.

"Don't be," Zero said, leaning his cheek against X's hand, "because it hasn't happened for you."

"But . . . how can you be in the past?" X asked, confusion written all over his face.

"I don't know," Zero said softly, "but . . . maybe my prayers were answered? Maybe, this time, I can save you."

X smiled softly before closing the distance, embracing Zero. "If we can't change the future . . . and I still die . . . at least I wanted you to know how much I loved you. More than a friend. If, by some chance you can change history, then please, accept my love for you."

"X," Zero said softly, "I loved you too, but I didn't dare say anything. Not even as you were dying in my arms." He held X close in a fierce hug, never wanting to let go.

Zero felt X shift in his arms and he looked down. He reached up and wiped away a tear that fell down X's cheek. Slowly he lowered his lips to X's and kissed him softly, startled when X kissed back fiercely.

"Zero," X murmured against the crimson Hunter's lips, "make me yours, before it's too late."

"X, no," Zero said softly, "it wouldn't be right . . . "

"Please," X said again, "if I do die, I want to die knowing that you had taken me and made me yours."

"X," Zero said softly again, pulling back to look at X, "I'm not your Zero."

X reached up and slowly removed Zero's helmet, gently feeding his hair through it before setting it aside. He removed his own helmet and set it down beside of Zero's. "It doesn't matter," X said, looking up at Zero, "I know you will love me as much as you loved your own X."

Slowly, and without further words, Zero began removing X's armor, as X did the same for him, stopping only when they were left with their body suits. Zero drew X into a close embrace, softly stroking the smaller Hunter's back. "X, I love you. I love you so much. I just wish I had told my X that sooner."

"Zero," X said, "I love you too, more than I can say. And I know your X knew as well. I can just feel it."

He's right. I already knew and understood, old friend, Zero heard faintly echoing on the soft breeze. His X, he knew instinctively. Love him as you love me. Let me feel through him what we could have shared while I was alive . . .

Zero smiled and let his hands roam over X's clothbound body, pleasing him until he felt X shift and start to lower the zipper to Zero's body suit. Zero returned the gesture and once they were both bared before each other, Zero once more drew X close, kissing him deeply, ravishing his body with his mouth, pleasing X, even as he knew their time was short, then completing him, as X had wanted.

He fell asleep beside of X, his systems going to stand by to cool down after his exertion, his head resting on X's chest, listening to the soft hum-thump of his main core, the soft sounds of his coolant system. But when he woke, X was gone. He checked his internal clock and cursed, rising quickly to get dressed. X was already at that battle.

Teleporting, not even bothering with his helmet, Zero arrived in Sigma's chambers, but with no signs of X. But that wouldn't remain so for long. For soon X came dashing in, firing a charged shot before Sigma could react, striking the behemoth. Feeling a wave of nausea start to overcome him, and knowing that the Zero from this time would come rushing in soon, Zero dashed from his cover, a scream of rage and pain breaking free. He jammed his saber into Sigma's side, almost where he had done it at that fateful battle. He let
his momentum take him past Sigma, ripping his saber out, snagging X around the waist and taking him well out of Sigma's wrath.

He started to speak when he doubled over in pain, not bothering to look up, knowing he had arrived, that the Zero from this time had stepped into the room. He barely registered X's shout nor another pain, one that drove him to his knees. He cracked his eyes open, surprised to find the end of a violet shaft sticking out of his chest. He fell forward when it retracted, only to be caught in soft arms a worried voice talking softly to him even as he heard himself take Sigma down.

"It'll be ok," X said, softly stroking Zero's cheek, "let me get you to Lifesaver."

"No," Zero said weakly, his vision already starting to blur from time to time, "this isn't my time. I don't belong here."

"But we can save you. Just like you saved me. You changed history, Zero," X said as the tears started to fall, landing on Zero's cheek.

Zero weakly smiled and looked past X to his own face, bending over, his expression confused, unguarded beyond the helmet he always wore. Then he turned back to X. "You have your own Zero to love. Tell him what you told me. Share with him what I did with you. Love him like you loved me."

"Ok," X said, shifting Zero, holding him close, softly stroking his hair as the tears continued to fall.

Zero felt his body shudder as more systems shut down. "I love you," Zero said softly, faintly as the last of his energy gave out, "forever."

"Forever, old friend," he heard X say, but it was a more stable voice, one that held a deep wisdom, not sorrow.

"X," Zero said softly, "one last request."

"Anything for you," X said softly, "anything."

"Then kiss me, please."

Zero struggled to keep his eyes open for as long as he could, never once wanting to miss a second of X's beautiful face. Not even as he was once again pulled down into the dark depth of oblivion, his soul more at peace knowing he had changed history for X, even if an X from a different time.

#

Placing the flowers and arranging them once again, X sighed softly. He had to get them to look just right, had to leave a fitting reminder of what he had lost. It hadn't been all that long since Sigma had killed Zero, even if it wasn't his Zero. He felt the familiar tears start to fall and he leaned back into the strong but gentle embrace that took him from behind, taking in strength from the soft words from the deep voice.

"You know this is for the best," Zero said softly, nuzzling X's hair.

"But why? Why did he have to die? I could have saved him," X protested weakly around the tears.

"Could you have loved both of us? No," Zero said softly, "and he couldn't have stayed here. My presence caused him pain. He would have had to leave and would have faced retirement by one of the Irregulars who's always after my hide. No. This is for the best. At least now he can join his own X."

"Can he?" X asked, turning finally from the grave site, unmarked so as not to cause any problems, a simple site in a simple grave yard, not at all fitting for a Hunter, let alone a Commander.

"Don't think," Zero said, placing a soft kiss to X's cheek, "just accept it."

X sighed shakily. "Let's go," he finally said, wanting to be away from the memories of what he had shared with Zero before that fateful battle, one that still ended in one of them retiring, even if it hadn't been him
this time, but Zero.

"I love you," Zero said softly, placing a tender kiss to X's hair.

"I love you too," X said softly, turning to kiss Zero full on the lips.

As X walked, one arm wrapped around Zero's waist, his head resting on the taller Hunter's shoulder now, he couldn't help but wonder if Zero's soul had really gone back to his X or not. But he knew Zero was right. They had to concentrate on themselves and not on the past. On the future they would build together, of the memories they would create and the times they would spend together as the other Zero and he had. With a soft, if sad smile, X left the past behind and journeyed into a new future.

#

With a long, low groan, Zero woke, sitting upright a hand to his head, another to his chest which ached.

"Another nightmare?" a soft voice asked, full of concern, a tender hand resting on Zero's bare shoulder.

Zero turned to look at the speaker, confused as to why he would see X there, his face full of worry as his emerald gaze scanned Zero over. Zero only blinked, not able to find the words. He had died, again, at Sigma's hand. But this time he had saved X. So why was he here now, in bed, completely naked as X must have been, in his private quarters?

"Don't think, love," X said softly, drawing Zero close, kissing him softly, "just accept it for what it is."

"Then I am dead," Zero said softly against X's lips.

X nodded, almost imperceptibly. "You would have joined me sooner, but you had that one last thing to do. You had to free your soul of the guilt you felt over my death. You had to make right what you felt was a wrong. Only then, could we be together like this."

Zero placed a soft kiss to X's lips. "Then you were watching out for me after all."

"I was," X said, "I arrived after Sigma had killed you at my grave. But at least I could have been there for you as you were for me. To comfort you, to be the last thing you saw before you shut down. To know how much it hurt to watch the one you love die and knowing you can't do a thing about it."

"But I'm here now," Zero said, reaching up to wipe away a tear that had fallen down X's cheek, "I can love you now like I wanted to."

X nodded again, silencing Zero from any further thoughts, capturing him in a deep and fierce kiss, one that Zero easily surpassed.

Now it was Zero who held X close, pleasing the smaller Hunter as he had wanted to. Had done to an alternate X. Now he could finally free his soul of the last of its burdens, here, in the arms and feel of his X.

"We have all eternity to make up for lost time," X murmured, "nothing will separate us now."

Zero said nothing, pleasing X, knowing too that they had the rest of existence to be together, that nothing further would come between what they shared and could share, over and over again. No more wars, no more Sigma,
no more fears that one of them would be retired.

And as Zero kissed his love deeply, he felt his soul shining brightly, all of his past pains dissolved in that simple act, knowing that the light came ultimately from X, but also from himself as well.  Thank you, X, Zero thought as he pleased his X as he had pleased the other, thank you for everything. And please, love your Zero as you loved me. Then I can truly rest secured knowing that all of us will find and share in the love we felt for each other. And never forget what I shared with you, but also don't let that come between what you share with your Zero, because I'll never forget you and how you helped free me from the past so I can enjoy this new future with my X.

Then all musing ended as Zero concentrated solely on the present and his X and the futures they would create together in each other's embrace.